Blossom Smith: Struggling with her identity

I am 42 years old, have three children and have been married. I also am a transgender woman.

Marriage was good, but my internal issues made things very challenging.

During the middle to later part of my marriage, I began to notice things that were peculiar, but I really wasn’t aware of what exactly. I had certain pains and went to doctors and somehow did not get any help, so I kind of just let it be.

As time passed, I became more aware that I was doing different things with myself, that I was not used to and could not explain. Many years passed, and what I was doing subconsciously were advancing in more seriousness. I got to the point where other people knew and would make fun of me. I knew that I was doing these things, but not until later. I just could not stop it, and nobody referred me to any help, even doctors that I visited.

Going through the things I have, the way I have, I lost everything I have known, except my parents.

These difficulties were so hard for my children to understand. They haven’t spoken to me in a couple years. This was the only thing I couldn’t bear to go through. My children were everything to me. I was never rich, but I cannot shake my love for them. It is a connection you just can’t sever, no matter what. So, this is why I write, to help anyone that maybe going through similar experiences, so they know they can reach out.

For those who face issues of sexual identity, I hope they can learn a few things from my experience.

First off, transgenderism is not abnormal by definition; it only seems abnormal because as humans that’s how we classify things that we may not know much about.

In most cases. it is not a choice.  When you are transgendered, you just are. If it wasn’t in you in the first place, then you wouldn’t be. For instance, when people think of trans women as “women trapped in a man’s body”, you couldn’t be more wrong. That is a horrible way to perceive trans women.

Science is still researching transgenderism, but a great way to picture it is to think that someone’s sexuality or gender is not totally defined by sexual organs. Just try to imagine what it would feel like to not match how you are compared to your anatomy. Sometimes it is very difficult to deal with, sometimes not. But you cannot let it slow you down because in society, being trans is being an underdog in just about every category.

As for my experience, I eventually got to the point where my difficulties landed me in potential danger. Something tragic happened to me that drastically damaged me. This is something I am not ready to be specific about, but it was horrible.

I have realized that I am trans, which is the problem that I used to have so much trouble with. I have been forged through fire, I am so proud of hypothetically knowing who I am. In order to define that, I am trans and I am so proud, but something was still missing. It took some time, but I now have a total understanding of my sexuality.

I have realized that I am auto sexual and trans woman. When I come to this realization, everything that I remembered that had to do with my sexuality and gender, made complete sense. It was like all these specific things came rushing through my thoughts and totally clicked. At this, I feel amazing, in the fact that my sexuality and gender have a home now. I literally imagined the moment when Baker Mayfield planted the flag when his team defeated Ohio State. I visualized myself planting my flag, and it feels great.

I have expressed my thoughts to the public in order to help you understand what it is like to be unaware of your sexuality and/or gender. I feel compelled to make sure that nobody ever experiences the things I have. I thank God for my turmoil, because it has molded me into someone very strong. Through my darkest days, (and they were many and long), I have found myself, my purpose, now I just need to find one more thing to be completely ready to completely heal America.